The Bus Stop Conversation…..

The Bus Stop Conversation…..

I recently read a book by Dr.Sue Morter called The Energy Codes. She talks about a “Bus Stop Conversation”; that has been a game changer for me, to say the least.

But before I get into that I need to share with you her premise in this book.

  1. Everything is energy.
  2. Your life is a reflection of your energy.
  3. You are the creator of your life.
  4. Your creation-your life- is always expanding.
  5. The purpose of your life is to discover your creatorship.

This may be a hard concept for many of us, especially those, like myself, who are survivors of sexual abuse. “I would NEVER choose to be sexually abused!”, we demand. I know I felt that way when this idea has been presented to me in the past. But after reading this book I am now seeing the truth in that belief. Dr.Sue presented it in such a way that I finally “got it”!

It goes something like this…..

The BusBus- Stop -Conversation Stop Conversation….

“Imagine yourself at a Cosmic Bus Stop, where you and others pause between trips to this physical plane. As you wait, you get to chatting with the other souls at the bus stop, talking about your plans and agendas for life on Earth. You speak about what you desire to learn, how you wish to grow, and what you’d like to experience as a means of revealing to yourself your own true, divine nature as a being of energy and the creator of your own life.

‘I want to learn about my wisdom’, one of the other souls says.
‘I’m going to learn courage’, declares another.
‘I want to experience being unconditionally loved’, says a third.
Suddenly, someone asks you, ‘What are you going there to do?’
‘Well’, you might say, ‘I’m going to have a bunch of experiences of waking myself up.’
‘I want to know my ability to forgive.’
‘Yes, I’m choosing a Level Ten experience of forgiveness.’
‘Not just a Level Three or Level Four. I’m really going for it this time!’
‘A Level Ten forgiveness….’
‘Wow! Okay, how are you going to do that?’ another souls asks.
‘Well I’m not exactly sure. I suppose someone is going to have to do something that is… nearly unforgivable.’
One of your companions asks the obvious question: ‘What would that take?’
You reply might be, “Well, someone would have to do something like drink too much at happy hour, get behind the wheel, cross the center line on the road, and hit my car head on.
To take it over the top, they might take the lives of my family, or cripple me.
It could have been avoided, and would be completely irresponsible.

Then, after many years of hurt and anger and suffering even more, because of my forgiveness, I will reach way down inside my heart and find a deeper layer of myself than I would ever have known under any other set of circumstances…and forgive them’.”

Now, you will need souls to help you on your mission, so you might ask:

“Who wants to be the driver for me?” (but no one wants to do that!)
So you plead with them “Come on! I’ve waited forever to have this chance to evolve myself.
I’m asking with all that I have. Will someone please help me take full hold of this opportunity?”
Finally someone offers… “I’ll do it. I can see how much it means to you. Plus, it will help me with my own mission of self-forgiveness.”
“Wonderful! Thank you so much! ……Well, I guess I’ll see you on Earth!”
Of course The Bus Stop Conversation is an example of what you might have asked for. We don’t actually say “I want to be sexually abused by (fill in the blank) so that I can experience a Level Ten forgiveness. We don’t decide what experience we will have, only what we want to accomplish here on this Earthly plane.  The Universe, which knows our desires, sets in motion experiences to help fulfill our desired results by aligning souls to meet, one’s who agreed to help each other out before coming here to their physical form.
WOW! This was HUGE for me!

Traumatic Times

My own “Level Ten Forgiveness” experiences has been in the form of at 2 1/2 watching my daddy being taken off to prison where he spent several years. Shortly after that my mother remarried and her husband began sexually abusing me by the time I was 3. Blood and pain when I went to the bathroom was ignored or passed off as having hurt myself playing. In addition to him, I have had no less than 15 sexual abusers in this lifetime.

At age 7,  I was rushed into emergency surgery just before my appendix burst. Not long after I was woken by our babysitter trying to get us out of the house, as it was on fire.  When I was 8 or 9 I was thrown off a horse and landed on my tailbone and wrist. My mom was out of town and I was staying with an Aunt and Uncle, I never told them how much pain I was in. By then I had already learned to keep my pain to myself.

At 13, one of my classmates died in an accident on the last day of school. A few weeks later my father attempted suicide, and my step mother sent me out to the car to check on him.  That same summer I was a passenger in a multiple vehicle high speed car crash where I was thrown from the back of the camper, through the small opening into the front of the vehicle, landing on the floorboard. Which gave me a concussion, tore up my arm, and a bloody scrape on my nose. Relatively minor injuries considering!

There have been many other traumas, before, during, and after the car accident….but that is enough to give you the picture of what a Level Ten, or more, Forgiveness experience may look like.

Coming to Terms with it All

As the truth of The Bus Stop conversation sank in I was so incredibly moved by emotion that I had to stop and just allow myself to feel it. I felt such overwhelming compassion for my step father who died in 2013. His death was very traumatic for me because he died never admitting he sexually abused me, with my mother never protecting me from him even after I told her, and choosing me over him. I don’t share this to bring them shame, but as a source of sharing how powerful this shift was for me. When he died I felt so much hurt and anger. In that moment not only did he die, but to me, my mother died as well, because from that moment on she would never have the opportunity to stand up for me, or, as I said, choose me over him. The depth of my hurt was indescribable with words.

With the knowledge that as Souls, before coming here,  he chose to help me on my mission,  I was moved to tears with compassion for him. The sadness was because I believe he died without fulfilling his own mission, that being of self-forgiveness. In order to experience self-forgiveness one must first acknowledge the wrongs they committed. He never did that with me. How horrible if he has to come back and be abusive again in order to finally accomplish the expansion of his soul through self-forgiveness. I can’t even imagine!

Now, I want to make it clear, I do not for one minute believe it is harder for the abuser than the one abused. Sexual abuse leaves emotional, damage that can last a lifetime, and often does for many. I in no way want to minimize that. Nor do I believe that we should allow sexual abuse to continue just because I now understand it was part of my process of expansion. No. Stopping it, calling it out, and exposing the abusers are always necessary! As well as them having to deal with the consequences of their actions, including legally if it comes to that. It is all a part of their experiences and needs to be fulfilled as well, in order for them to accomplish what they came here for.

The Inexperienced Soul

From my experience connecting with Souls crossed back over, I believe that it takes a relatively inexperienced Soul, one who hasn’t been here before, or at least not very many times, to be able to volunteer for such an assignment as to be an abuser. Because we are all part of Source, which is only Love, once we have experienced it, we would never be able to volunteer to inflict it on another. That is not to say that Souls who volunteer to be an abuser are any less loving than those who have experienced the abuse. It just means they don’t truly know the depths of the emotional pain they will be called on to inflict, if they did they wouldn’t be able to do it. Which would mean we wouldn’t be able to experience the expansion we desire either.

As I thought of my step-father,  thoughts of other abusers in my life  who died without admitting what they had done when confronted came to mind as well. Again, I felt compassion for them, not to the degree I did him, he had the opportunity many times to come clean but refused and chose denial. Mind you, I am not judging that. I can imagine it was a much bigger task, a much heavier burden to carry than as a Soul before coming here could have conceived. That is part of the compassion I am feeling for him, them.

A True Awakening

Because of my “awakening” as a result of The Bus Stop story,  I was able to attend my Uncle’s funeral a few weeks after reading it. I was able to hug my mother, who is still in denial, and tell her I love her; from my Soulful Self, rather than my Protective Self. I was able to sit in a room with people who were part of the abuse, or knew of it and did nothing, without feeling even the slightest bit of anger or hurt. In fact I felt only love for each and everyone of them. I didn’t take their ignoring and/or avoiding me personally as I would have in the past. I just allowed. I allowed them to have whatever story they are telling themselves about me without taking it on as truth. It was amazingly freeing!

My hope is that one day they will be able to look at the roles they played in my life that caused me harm and seek out forgiveness, which I will gladly give.  In hopes that it will help them forgive themselves. Because as important as it is to forgive others, we must forgive ourselves first. For we cannot give what we don’t have.

I don’t hope this for my sake, the truth is I honestly no longer need it, WOW, I didn’t even realize that until this moment as I am writing it! I no longer need them to admit what they have done in order for me to be okay, for me to find peace. I am already there! I hope it for their sake! Healing can be painful, but it is so worth it! And you can never experience true healing without looking at not only what has been done to you, but also what you have done to others. The healer in me wants that so much for everyone, but most especially for my family. Because, I now realize, we are all Souls in human form having a Spiritual experience, trying to help each other expand and see our own magnificence. I am so grateful for each Soul who volunteered to help me to experiences what I came here to do, in order to expand. I have learned there really are no “enemies” per se, only those who came to help us meet our goals, that we perhaps haven’t recognized as such yet.

In Light and Love,